My Loop

Welp, I’ve officially ripped off the bandaid that I’ve been hesitant to rip. So with that.. cue Kel and his nostalgic punch line: “aaaaaaaw, here it goes!”


First post and I have to say, I am rather nervous about taking off this outer shell to unleash my vulnerability onto the world. How do I open up my mind and soul and disclose my inner thoughts to perfect strangers? Subjecting myself to new interpretations of what I’m thinking, experiencing and feeling.

Fuck it, I have a month left here so here goes everything.


A little over one month. One month until we’re ripped from the roots that have wound our feet so tightly into our small state for the past 24 years. One month left of simplicity, familiarity, casual comforts of family, lovers and friends. One month until our adventure begins where we’ll be engulfed in doubt, mistakes, anxiety, self-searching, the unknown and potentially failure *GULP*

As I write this, I’m watching Dolores in Westworld struggle to break the mold that binds her to her simplistic “loop” of a life.

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I can’t help but feel like Dolores is the perfect, cliche metaphor for myself. Theres been this subtle itch I’ve been attempting to scratch for a long time, yet I’ve been stuck in the same “loop”. Always finding an excuse to prevent myself from altering the straight and narrow path that I’ve been on.

“I don’t have the money”, “I have too much to lose”, and, my personal favorite,“it’s not the right time”. I’ve found that no time is ever the right time. If I keep using that excuse, I’ll never accomplish what it is that I want to accomplish and I’ll never scratch that itch.

This goes farther than just being stuck in the same place surrounded by the same faces and same routines everyday. I had a small glimpse of what I’ve been looking for when I had the ultimate freedom this past summer. Waking up in a new place every day. No responsibilities, no ties. Constantly surrounded by the raw beauty of nature and discovering first hand all the unique stories each state has to share. The road trip cross country was the ultimate release of stresses from “real life”. I yearn for that feeling…and in a little over a month, I’ll inhale deep and feel the soothing release of those stresses once again. Except this time, I’ll get to hop on this crazy roller coaster of life with my best friend by my side *cue Hawaiian roller coaster ride*

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Until then, I’ll remain discontented, while staying on my same loop: wake up, work, go home, fall asleep, dream of what is yet to come…repeat.


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