My New Misshan

I’m scratching my itches. I know I can scratch yours, too.

I believe our feelings are not as isolated as we think. Somebody somewhere has a case of the tiny, gnawing mind games, too. That person is harboring negative feelings just like you are, because for some sick reason we want to watch the darkness grow. We want to surrender our control to something else so we can avoid the duty of waking up to face a treacherous and difficult world. The smarter tormented ones make money out of their misery. The rest of us stay at a standstill with the happiness attempting to bubble up to the surface. The lid we create ever so tightly plugs up – tightening the parameters. We can’t let any of the inmates escape.

Because feelings seem crooked and incorrect and resemble a pile of rocks you have nowhere to unload. As time goes on, the pile increases, and the overflown stones tumble to the floor…offending everyone around you when your life isn’t even theirs to be offended by, anyway. I think what confuses me the most about dominant people is the amount of concern they have for the choices anyone makes for him/her/zeself. Why do some people claim others as theirs to keep nearby, for their sake? They’re probably the same kids on the playground who either tried to run the game, or were those annoying kids who made a big deal out of everything instead of rolling it off the shoulder like everybody else.

I’m going to create content using every bit of myself, and fingers crossed it’ll resonate with you. I’m opening the conversation for words that would be otherwise silenced. I’m freeing myself for the sake of my life experience, my health, and my overall self.

Sadly, I haven’t thought about this until the end of this chapter in my life, but THIS IS MY LIFE. I never actually thought about the fact that my consequences should affect me, too, and not just other people. In fact, they should hit me the most. So what are the rules here? Where would consequences sprout up if I took a moment to be honest about what I want? Let’s start with my biggest regret: eternal sadness for neglecting to put myself first.

I haven’t been holding myself to any sort of standard or expectation. I allow others to rule every decision I make. I put them first, and I think that’s why my crazy often leaks out. I’m overflowing with lost time that I have every intention of making up for. No matter how much it affects other people, they’re not the ones in my shoes. I am the only one who can experience the true consequences of my actions. They can shove their secondhand worry up their asses. They should be more like me and feed themselves something to occupy their nosy and underwhelmed minds. That type of BS comes from being unaware of or unimpressed with the possibilities throwing themselves at us everyday.

Sorry dude who allows himself to worry about other people while ignoring his own internal cries…I’m sorry that you’ve yet to stop yourself from doing so.

I can’t wait to be on top of the world.


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