Cue Phil Collins on the Drums

Yeeeaah you know which breakdown I’m talkin’ ’bout.

OK – I think this is when the little kid inside of me acknowledged that I’m on a kick-ass vacation. I realized that I’m now used to the ringing of bicycle bells…the convenience of culture at my fingertips. Every European accent catches my eye and ignites me with inspiration. Every day ends with a violet sunset over the canals, just like the famous Dutch artists painted. I’m beginning to feel what they felt.

We Went to the Zoo

My excitement went through the roof the day we went to the zoo. The Artis Zoo has a giraffe, baby monkeys, and Shan’s favorite – a sloth! We were grinning with glee all day long.

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This next one goes out to the McCormick ladies, Shaun O’Connor, and everyone else who knows how important this video is.

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Though I did get some decent shots of these magnificent animals, I couldn’t help but kick myself for realizing I left the magnified lens at home. Regardless of how close-up these shots are, I hope you enjoy a scenic route through the animal kingdom with us:

The Artis Zoo is Amsterdam’s oldest city park, the oldest zoo in the Netherlands, and one of the oldest zoos of mainland Europe. It also contains an aquarium and planetarium! What a lovely place to be present in the moment.

Weirdly enough, the memory that sticks out the most in my mind from this entire day is one I have of a grandmother playing hide-and-go-seek with her two grandkids. She was hiding behind a tree, and they were pretending not to know where she was. I shook my head with disbelief at the sight because it was organic and it belonged in a movie scene.

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“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.” – Buddha 🙏🏼🌺

Classic A’dam Pic

Like every single perfect day here in Amsterdam, we found a canal to watch the sun set over the water among the boats and city lights.

Our Eat Pray Love-esque day wouldn’t be complete without pizza and wine, so we got pizza and wine. The pizza was aight and the wine was eh. It sparked an idea to visit Italy for a bit…maybe…

It also “inspired” us to grab a €6 bottle of wine from Albert Heijn (the grocery store) because we’re Cla$$y! I fell asleep the earliest I have since we’ve been here – 11:30 pm (23:30) on a weekend night because that’s how you really do it here in Amsterdam.

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A Moment of Mindfulness

Here’s your moment of mindfulness while I reflect on mine:

(It’s a 360 video)

I’m starting to connect the dots between the moving parts in my life.

I used to try to think that everything was connected, and that everything happens for a reason. I’ve read books, exhausted mantras, and begged for signs. Little did I know the energy was aligning itself around me this whole time.

What sparked this sudden appreciation for the universe? Awareness…”duh” moments.

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I got a message from my friend David this evening. A simple “sup man” spiraled me into word-vomit typing fueled by inspiration. A puzzle piece found its home in my brain. Another synapse secured.

David makes music, and he’s been at it for about a year now. By making a conscious effort to refine his talent, and learning how to translate from beats his head to the world, he’s gotten so freakin’ good at it. I’m so happy nothing has stopped him from getting better at what he loves to do.

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Shoutout to Molly Dupont

The “duh” moment came when I recalled a scenario from earlier today. Shan tasked me with picking songs for one of our ever-so-fun YouTube videos and I tried my best to choose ones that made sense. Music is the most important complement to the visuals – it’s not easy to find a song that communicates the vibe we feel we’re while in awe. It’s calm and exciting all at the same time, like a bath bomb. I don’t know anyone who can capture that essence better than David. I can’t wait to share our new mixture of media with you.

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All in all, the more energy you spend on making your dreams come true, the stronger your dreams will be attracted to you.

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Overwhelmed Doesn’t Even Begin to Describe It

In less than 48 hours I’ll be on the plane.

My room is still a disaster, but I’ve had no choice but to begin organizing it. My mom is helping and Brittany’s been hanging around making weird noises, so I guess it’s not so bad.

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Britt in her natural Snapchabitat.

I can’t stop thinking about last night.

I have never felt the strange combination and force of feelings like I did while I was with the people that mean the most to me (who were in Connecticut). Oblivious me thought I was going on a dinner date with my best friend Julie, and to my surprise I walked into a room with my some of favorite people on this earth…and they were there for me.


Sneaky, sneaky Julie plotted the entire evening consisting of dinner at the Vic House, a popular Cheshire spot, and cake back at my place…meaning my parents and sisters were in on it the whole time! I don’t know why, but I thought they’d be worse at keeping surprises a secret.

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Me and Julie ❤

Every single moment of it was perfect, and I even have a souvenir to show for it. Courtney, my soul sister since birth, made a journal with some old pictures of us and had everyone sign it. I haven’t read it yet because I already cried enough yesterday for the entire weekend.


These are my people right here in this picture. They are the ones who squeezed me goodbye with their support osmosising into my tear ducts. These are the ones I’m going to miss so incredibly much.

Thankful doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel towards them. I don’t know what I did to deserve such a loving bunch of weirdos, but I’ll try to keep it up in my journeys ahead.

I love you all with all my heart. Thank you for making this difficult. 😉

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“Hold On” – Alabama Shakes

I’m sitting in my cluttered room listening to the likable blues rock band called Alabama Shakes. The featured song is one that my sister Brittany and I enjoy belting in the car, which we just did on our way back from the pet store in Wallingford. We cherished a beautiful half hour with a Weimaraner named Jade.

Jade was a wittle sweepy 😴

So yeah, I put off cleaning up the tornado of a bedroom I’m living out of for another week…and the car that has my summer clothes thrown all over the backseat because they were in a garbage bag that ripped back in October – that’s how lazy I am. I moved out of my house into my parents’, and I’m being resistant.

Song change:

As terrible as it sounds, I don’t want to tie up my loose ends here. I don’t want to say goodbye to people over dinner or a drink or a tight-squeeze of a hug. I’ve learned that I’m really bad at goodbyes, so I’d rather just not do them in the first place. Nobody should take that personally, I just don’t like being sad.

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I still don’t know what perfectly prepared looks like on paper, all I know is that I’m not it. Is anyone ever ready to take on a new adventure? All I feel is the knot in my stomach that’s reacting to the doubt whispering in my ear that’s telling me this could be a huge mistake.

In a sense, I went and fucked up my whole life…not necessarily in a bad way, but I pointed out the biggest pieces of foundation and I ripped them out of the ground. There’s rubble everywhere, and I’m being forced to clean up the literal mess that I’ve created for myself.

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What if somedays I don’t feel like dealing with this massive thing I’ve plopped on my to-do list for an indefinite amount of time? I’ve signed myself up for a struggle I can only tackle when I feel like I have the ability to, which will force me to find strength in unfamiliar places. I can no longer hide from my responsibilities. I can no longer choose to feel small when I have an endless amount of tasks to complete. There’s no more room for feeling sorry for myself.

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I’m someone who draws power from the people I love that love me back. I want to focus on ways to keep connected with those who are fueling me even before I leave, like a Flat Stanley-type idea, for example, where myself and my support network will stay close in our hearts no matter the physical distance between us…and then we can Instagram it, of course.


While wrapping up that last paragraph, somebody rang our doorbell. My dad answered and I heard a familiar voice saying my name…it was my friend Steph‘s dad and he had an envelope in his hands. He handed it to me as he said “Steph is in Hawaii so she isn’t able to say goodbye to you and she wanted me to give you this.” Inside were exactly the words I needed to hear from such a dear friend.

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Steph, if you’re reading this, I want you to know how lucky I am to have you in my life. You and I have been friends since God-knows-when and I know we will continue to be rooting each other on for the rest of our lives. Thank you for considering me even while you’re exploring freakin’ Hawaii…I hope you can come visit and show me around the places you went to while you were in A’dam. I love you ❤️ & hope you have an awesome trip!

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Man, I am feeling thankful.

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An Emotional End to the Holiday Season

Christmas is over, meaning I said my goodbyes to my cousins, aunts, and uncles, and I used the phrase “see you in six months.”

I had such a great weekend with the company that matters most to me: my family.

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It looks like I have a little hat on.

The long weekend was rounded off by our traditional family trip to J. Timothy’s.

If you’ve never heard me go on about J. Tim’s, you’ve missed about 20% of the things that come out of my mouth. They have THE BEST CHICKEN WINGS that I have EVER had – which is totally worth blabbing about. They’re all over my Instagram…I’m not ashamed of my love for chicken that has been sauced and fried twice.

Look, here’s how much of a fan I am:

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So aside from J. Tim’s being full of delicious goodness, I love it because it’s always brought my family together. Little by little our family grows bigger with our new additions tangling their roots into our family tree. One of my sisters is engaged, another lives with her boyfriend in Massachusetts, and the youngest is one of my best friends in this world. My parents are supportive and want us all to be healthy and happy. There’s no reason to frown when we’re all sitting down at the same table.

Notice the hair down in the “before” and the hair up in the “after” ?

As I drove home after hugging Becca goodbye for the last time until June, I cried. I leave in less than two weeks. This, right now, is the end to so many familiarities…so many things that come to easy for me.

Though I am sad, I can’t help but feel a bit of raging excitement for the world I’ve only seen through the TV screen that’s about to become my reality.

I feel pretty empowered rn. Love you, fam 💋

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Decisions, Decisions

I’ve received yet another offer from work attempting to make me stay, and I’ve got to be honest, it’s a friggin’ tempting one. They want me to do the same things I’ve been doing, somewhere else, and I don’t want what they have to give me anymore. (Someone told me it’s like dating a man – you want him when you can’t have him. Then when he wants you, you’re over it.)

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I’ve already made my decision about what I’m going to do in 2017 and I made it a long time ago. I’m just scared to make it real…to make it known. Well, part of me’s afraid, the other thinks it’s no big deal after the mental and emotional shit I’ve already been through. This is the easy part – I haven’t even left yet!

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Yes, the self-journey has begun, and people say starting something is usually the hardest part, but I’m holding my tongue until I’m actually en route to my destination. I’ll have left my life behind on the ground that I’m staring at out the plane window. But how about we start with quitting my job first.

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I try not to let worry bother me because there’s no point. A little paranoia is healthy, but questioning things that have already been answered so many times in your head is like a sickness. If there were ever a time to get rid of any doubt, now is it.

Like the things I respond to and move on from in life, I must learn to accept my own decisions.

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This here’s the first biggie, and there are thousands – millions, even – to follow. I have to begin depending on my own skill and intuition in this new era. Those things have always been with me, they’ve just never been acted on…never been in control…never dictated any outcomes.

Why do I want to believe that trusting myself will be a mess when every other super successful person in the world became great by doing the same?

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Rabbit Rabbit 🐇🐇

Writing a blog post and feeling kinda weird right now. Like, nostalgic for happiness. Desperate for it, even. The quote in the picture above is a quote I’m using to calm the recycling voices that are telling me I can never have it again. It’s by Maria Shriver, and it makes so much sense right now.

Thankful that my Mommy does love me 😊

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Happy Birthday, Isabella 🌼

Isabella: A name rich with royalty. Izzy has her kingdom alright, and even more so, a legacy.

Izzy came into my life in such a funny way. My little sister – Britt – had just stepped into middle school and met her newest friend, a boy-crazy blonde who never seemed to calm down between laughs or sports talk. Me being a concerned older sibling thought this girl was bad news. I mean, the girl’s Twitter handle is @Izztitz after all.

I said little to Britt about it because I knew how close they had become, so I didn’t want to come down on her too hard for it. I know what it’s like to have your older sister disapprove of your best-friendship – it sucks, but that’s a story for another time.

But as the years went on, I was proven so incredibly wrong. Yes, Izzy was crazy, but I never realized how much I could like someone for shamelessly being themselves. It’s something that some people are blessed with – endless amounts of energy pouring from within. Everything about Izzy was contagious, and that’s how her story began to blossom just like the daisies she claimed as her trademark thing.

Her also trademark laugh.

Home, school, EDM shows, and more…she’d built a community of people who adored her. Izzy was busy giving no effs and having her world fall into place as it does for those who authentically allow it to. She was a genuinely good person always putting her best foot forward to make life worth being alive for.

On December 13, 2014, Isabella was taken from us entirely too soon. A star snatched from the sky – leaving the world a little darker, for we’d gotten so use to her light. Everything stopped when she told us goodbye. I could barely look Britt in the eye. No person likes to see their sibling cry with no explanation of why.

Life is precious. Thank you, Isabella, for living by example. I hope this birthday is one of your best ever. We’re thinking of you, always.

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Izzy’s vigil where we saw a shooting star, and Shan’s tattoo of 19 daisies in the right-hand corner…Izzy was 19.

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Izzy & Britt the night Izzy wandered up into the sky.

Sunday Feelz 10.23

We’re sitting in my living room eating buffalo dirt wings from J. Timothy’s (the ABSOLUTE best around).

We’ve gone through 3 bottles of champagne at this point and it’s still not enough. It’s Shan, me, and Alex (click on her website to find out who we’re talking about*).

*Do it because we’re gonna mention her a lot.

**A LOT.

Have you ever stood at a package store register with 5 minutes to make a transaction before legal close? Ugh, the terror.

I want to let the world know how grateful I am for friends to come over and jam on our keyboards together, making websites rather than music…for sitting outside with me to let me to draw with chalk in the good company of others…for letting me listen to “Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride” for the millionth time today.

We’re also listening to “Make a Man Out of You” from the Mulan soundtrack. Westworld to follow…after Shan gets her fix of Walking Dead. “Who the fuck did Lucille kill?”

Happy Sunday Funday, y’all.

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Side note: J. Tims is always responsive on social media. They play back and they know they have excellent wings and they flaunt it. I appreciate honesty in the people I’m giving money to as I gorge down their merchandise. Check them out and see whatsup.
Super side note: You’ll see/hear me talk about J. Tims a lot while I’m in the U.S. -THEY ARE THE BEST! It’s my favorite wing spot in the world and I haven’t even left CT yet.

I’ve yet to see the world…ahhh…what a wonderful feeling to be hungry for.

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