I’ve received yet another offer from work attempting to make me stay, and I’ve got to be honest, it’s a friggin’ tempting one. They want me to do the same things I’ve been doing, somewhere else, and I don’t want what they have to give me anymore. (Someone told me it’s like dating a man – you want him when you can’t have him. Then when he wants you, you’re over it.)
I’ve already made my decision about what I’m going to do in 2017 and I made it a long time ago. I’m just scared to make it real…to make it known. Well, part of me’s afraid, the other thinks it’s no big deal after the mental and emotional shit I’ve already been through. This is the easy part – I haven’t even left yet!
Yes, the self-journey has begun, and people say starting something is usually the hardest part, but I’m holding my tongue until I’m actually en route to my destination. I’ll have left my life behind on the ground that I’m staring at out the plane window. But how about we start with quitting my job first.
I try not to let worry bother me because there’s no point. A little paranoia is healthy, but questioning things that have already been answered so many times in your head is like a sickness. If there were ever a time to get rid of any doubt, now is it.
Like the things I respond to and move on from in life, I must learn to accept my own decisions.
This here’s the first biggie, and there are thousands – millions, even – to follow. I have to begin depending on my own skill and intuition in this new era. Those things have always been with me, they’ve just never been acted on…never been in control…never dictated any outcomes.
Why do I want to believe that trusting myself will be a mess when every other super successful person in the world became great by doing the same?
39 days. A month can be the shortest or the longest period of time depending on how you look at it. I don’t know if I want more time or for this year to be over already.
What should I be doing aside from trying to keep my job for next year? I just mailed my 30-day-in-advance notice to my landlord about my exit from this apartment and the lease…I guess starting to move out is the next move.
I’m going to do it with my head down while I try not to linger on the situation for too long. I have to do as I’m told by the me who is in the zone with a pen and a notebook. I have to follow that teeny tiny inkling despite how it’s going to affect my current environment. I must become impenetrable from the outside world. I can’t let it get to me.
So I’ll transfer my belongings like I have a million times before to and from my dorms, except this time I don’t have a break to slowly put them into their proper places. I have to do everything right the first time from here on out, every time.
Individuals, society, corporations…they all want to take advantage of how gullible we can be. They tell us that they are in control of our decisions and our fate, and we almost always agree because we don’t know what else to do. This is what we’ve been taught and so shall it be.
Acknowledging that we are in control is powerful and it is fueled by imagination. Imagine where you want to be and accept only that. From there, imagine your immediate next step, which is all anyone needs to move forward toward his or her dream.
Whispers of doubt and the temptation to relinquish control are constantly knocking on our doors. It’s up to us to guard that door, to protect ourselves, and to leave the fucking building altogether.
Abandon the fabricated delusions. Life’s too short to give up on what you believe you truly deserve.